Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The End

It's been quite a journey. From contraction to healing, the swine flu has given me a week I will never forget. I may want to forget parts of it, but no, I just promised I won't forget, and now I can't. I really should've thought that one through.
Well, since I now suffer from no more than a mere cough, I feel it is unfare to keep this charade going. I hereby declare myself cured from swine flu. And that marks the end to this blog. And to remember my dear swine flu, here is a little haiku I wrote entitled 'Swine Flu: the New Black Plague'

Ah, the great swine flu
How I will miss your symptoms
Ha! No way in hell

It's been fun, swine flu. But so long. Don't call.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Day 3

All cured!
Well, not exactly, but I was hoping by typing that that it would become true. I'm not exactly sure what my logic was there, I guess I figured it was worth a try. It was unsuccessful, if you're wondering. But seriously, I am almost completely better. This swine flu didn't nearly live up to its potential. Very disappointing.
Now you may think this means the end to this blog, which clearly is only intended for the period of time during which I am actually suffering from the symptoms of swine flu. But I have faith that I can drag this out at least a couple more days describing phantom symptoms that I may or may not have, as well as the intense psychological repercussions I have suffered from this traumatic disease. So stick around, there's much more to come!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Day 2

I had an odd dream last night involving a unicorn and a chainsaw. I think I'll attribute it to the flu and never mention it again.
Anyway, symptoms are changing drastically, it's all very sudden and exciting. No more dizziness, fever, or chills- now it's on to the sore throat and the upset stomach. Is it an improvement? Not exactly. If you ever catch yourself saying a sore throat and an upset stomach is an improvement, there's a big problem. In fact, you're probably dying. See a doctor. Like right now.
On the bright side, swine flu has given me the opportunity to stay home and watch The Shawshank Redemption which was awesome and I recommend all you aspiring swine flu victims to watch it when you're forcibly removed from society after contracting the virus.
Well, just another day surviving the swine flu. Tune in tomorrow to read more about one man's journey surviving the latest flu that is sweeping the nation (and world).

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Day 1 (day of diagnosis)

Nausea, vomiting, temporary loss of vision, diarrhea, sore throat.
Thank God I don't have any of those symptoms, that would absolutely suck.
Unfortunately, I really do have chills, fever, dizziness, and a bad cough. Took Tamiflu. Drank tea, ate some toast, and dropped my toothbrush in a toilet. A productive day all around. I haven't died yet either, another positive (from my perspective, though opinions may vary). So far, so good. Or rather, 'so far, not so horrendously bad, but not really all that great'. Hmm. No wonder that expression didn't catch on.

Swine Flu and its Symptoms

It all began with a little headache. Then a cough. Then a fever. Hopefully, it won't end in death. That's right, I am a new case of the dreaded swine flu (dramatic music here).
Many of you may be wondering what it's like to have swine flu. Well, allow a swine flu veteran to enlighten you. Besides for the fever, dizziness, chills, cough, and congestion, it's really not all that bad. Just imagine being sucked into a meat grinder while at the same time someone is trying to decapitate you with a blunt axe. Imagining that? Good. Cause it's absolutely nothing like that. In fact, it's more like a bad cold. A bad cold that keeps you out of school for a week and gains the sympathy of all your friends. It's a tough life.